I'm not going to make any grand promises of posting regularly - but I wanted to share some random thoughts that have been going around in my head the last few weeks - and what God's been saying about it.
Anyone who knows me well, know that I like to know what's going on. I like to have all the answers. I get a lot of identity and value from being the 'smart one' or the one who can answer all the questions. Ok, I'll admit, I can be a know-it-all.
I actually often feel like I've let someone down if I can't answer their question. I get so caught up wanting to know everything.
Since announcing that I was leaving YWAM, one of the questions I've been asked most often is 'what's next'? A valid question, but one I've struggled to answer. Even now when I have some ideas in the short term - the only way I can really honestly answer the question is - 'I don't know.'
Every time someone asks, I want to be able to respond with some grand plan mapping out the next 5 years of exactly what I'll be doing, where an when. And then of course explain why this is a perfect plan.
But then God has been challenging me - is 'I don't know' really the worst answer I can give? God never asked or expected me to have all the answers. And when I honestly think about it - I know the people around me don't either. I don't need to have everything mapped out.
When I say 'I don't know' - I need to trust that God does.
When I say 'I don't know' - I need to swallow my pride, and admit that I'm actually not perfect.
When I say 'I don't know' - I have to trust that the people around me will be patient as I work things out.
At the end of the day, maybe I should say 'I don't know' more often, because the important thing is I follow a God who does, and He has promised that He knows the plans He has for me, and they are good :)
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